How exquisite your love, O God! How eager we are to run under your wings! (Ps 36:7 msg)

Friday, May 4, 2012


Grace for myself.  Grace for others.  It is most humbling to write this final post.  I did not go through with the 1/2 marathon.  I was prepared physically, I really was.  I was not mentally.

Bad storms were rolling into Dallas over the weekend.  The weather looked horrible.  I had childcare lined up for the kiddos, but hubby decided he had reached his limit.  He has been so patient with me, always watching the kids when I was running FOR HOURS at a time.  He decided he would not be taking me to the race.  He was way behind on things he had to do and it did not seem appealing to weather the storms as he waiting FOR HOURS for me to finish the race. 

So, I cancelled the hotel and decided not to go.  I was pissed.  I blamed him.  He was unsupportive and unloving and selfish.  I made this all about me.

But the truth is, I could have gone.  He offered to stay home with the kids and my mom offered to take me to the race.  It could have worked out.  But, my stubborn pride in making him feel guilty won over.  Why, oh why, do I always fall into that selfish hole?

The truth is, Brock is amazingly supportive.  He loves me and the kids so much.  He works tirelessly for us and we rarely jump through hoops to tell him thank you.  But I get it now.  My first responsibility will always be him and the kids.  If they tell me they need me to bend for them, then I need to do so.  Yes, it would have been great to complete the race.  But it's also great that I have such amazing people that surround me and need me, really need me in their daily lives.  There will always be another race.  There will never be another day for me to show grace for the unexpected change in my plans.

So, I got over my disappointment and held me head high.  I hated telling everyone who was supporting me of my failure, but I had to own up to it.  Everyone fails.  However, through grace I am here now and can run another day.

Update:  I started training again and completed my first 1/2 marathon on January 13, 2013!  I ran the Houston Chevron half marathon in 2 hours 15 minutes and let me tell you that I was soooo excited about my time!!  Fate is funny sometimes.  I didn't get the nicer weather.  In fact, the weather was 10 times worse.  The race time was at the same time a front was rolling in.  It rained NONSTOP and was about 40 degrees.  My body was frozen!  In fact, I couldn't even change my music for the last half of the race because my hands were numb.  

I'm glad I did it.  I'm glad it's over.  I'm thankful for an amazingly supportive hubby who met me at the finish line.