Grace

Grace for myself.  Grace for others.  It is most humbling to write this final post.  I did not go through with the 1/2 marathon.  I was prepared physically, I really was.  I was not mentally.

Bad storms were rolling into Dallas over the weekend.  The weather looked horrible.  I had childcare lined up for the kiddos, but hubby decided he had reached his limit.  He has been so patient with me, always watching the kids when I was running FOR HOURS at a time.  He decided he would not be taking me to the race.  He was way behind on things he had to do and it did not seem appealing to weather the storms as he waiting FOR HOURS for me to finish the race. 

So, I cancelled the hotel and decided not to go.  I was pissed.  I blamed him.  He was unsupportive and unloving and selfish.  I made this all about me.

But the truth is, I could have gone.  He offered to stay home with the kids and my mom offered to take me to the race.  It could have worked out.  But, my stubborn pride in making him feel guilty won over.  Why, oh why, do I always fall into that selfish hole?

The truth is, Brock is amazingly supportive.  He loves me and the kids so much.  He works tirelessly for us and we rarely jump through hoops to tell him thank you.  But I get it now.  My first responsibility will always be him and the kids.  If they tell me they need me to bend for them, then I need to do so.  Yes, it would have been great to complete the race.  But it's also great that I have such amazing people that surround me and need me, really need me in their daily lives.  There will always be another race.  There will never be another day for me to show grace for the unexpected change in my plans.

So, I got over my disappointment and held me head high.  I hated telling everyone who was supporting me of my failure, but I had to own up to it.  Everyone fails.  However, through grace I am here now and can run another day.


Update:  I started training again and completed my first 1/2 marathon on January 13, 2013!  I ran the Houston Chevron half marathon in 2 hours 15 minutes and let me tell you that I was soooo excited about my time!!  Fate is funny sometimes.  I didn't get the nicer weather.  In fact, the weather was 10 times worse.  The race time was at the same time a front was rolling in.  It rained NONSTOP and was about 40 degrees.  My body was frozen!  In fact, I couldn't even change my music for the last half of the race because my hands were numb.  

I'm glad I did it.  I'm glad it's over.  I'm thankful for an amazingly supportive hubby who met me at the finish line.  

A Tough Mudder Miracle

It will be two weeks since I finished the Tough Mudder tomorrow.  I am excited to say that it was a wonderful experience.  So much so, that I've signed up for another one!  These last two weeks had me recovering from some weird bacterial infection, washing mud out of my hair over and over, and gearing up for my next race... which is in two days... the half marathon.  Eek.

But back to the Mudder.  There were 6 of us on the team and we started out a little frazzled.  Due to parking problems, we were in traffic for 2 hours, thus delaying our start time by 1 1/2 hours.  I'm pretty sure we were one of the last waves to start.  The course was a full 12 miles with 25 obstacles.  Even though I knew it would be muddy, I was surprised by HOW MUCH mud there was.  We were constantly in it.  And it was thick and slippery.  The hardest obstacles were climbing walls and ramps.  But everyone was incredibly helpful and the camaraderie was amazing.  Guys were constantly pulling me up and pushing me over.  I did each obstacle and only fell off one.  The monkey bars were just too much at mile 10.  :)

BUT the most amazing thing happened during this race.  An experience I've already told 20 times.  I experienced a miracle.  I very obvious and amazing miracle.  I have a history of migraines.  They have been hormonal in the past, but now I am getting them due to dehydration.  I have learned in the past two weeks that even though I drink water like crazy, I'm not staying hydrated.  I am needing more minerals and electrolytes.

Anyways, my migraines have always been predictable.  20 minutes of blurry vision, followed by a screaming, unbearable headache, then finishing with nausea and vomiting.  It goes away after I fall asleep.  Well, I didn't have many options to treat a migraine when I saw my vision going blurry on MILE 3 of the course.  My first response is, like always, fear and anxiety.  How would I finish the race with a migraine??

Well, God is amazing.  The day before, I was doing my Bible study and reading about God the healer.  He is introduced as God the healer in the Bible after he performs a miracle over bitter water. The Isrealites were nearing death from dehydration.  They found water, but it was extremely bitter.  God made the water sweet, healing their dehydration and bitterness at the same time.

This immediately came to mind when my migraine started.  My comforting migraine medicine was 5 miles away in the car.  Ibuprofen was 3 miles away in my mother's purse. I had no other choice but to pray and trust God to heal my head.  So that's what I did.  I prayed, sang, and talked to God for the remaining 7 miles.  I never got a headache after my vision cleared up,  just constant communication with my Savior during an intense physical challenge.  He used something so simple to allow me to see Him so clearly.  It was an amazing experience and I get goosebumps every time I tell the story.  I will always be grateful for what He did for me.

I'm excited to do this again.  I've already signed up for the one in Austin in October.  But, this time will be even more amazing.  Because, this time I will have my best friend and partner through life by my side.  My amazing hubby is doing it with me and I'm extremely excited!!!!

I tackle my half-marathon on Sunday.  I'm looking forward to my time talking to God again.  The weather is calling for thunderstorms and constant rain.  Yikes.  I'll let you know how it goes....

55:15

So I haven't written since my injury.  I was really upset by it and took the week off.  I came back around last week and ran a couple short distances, followed up by ice packs.  :)  I accomplished a cautious 7 day work out last week in anticipation of having to take it easy this week.  In addition to my short runs (4-6 miles), I did yoga, weight lifting, and a zumba class. 

I ran the Azalea 10K Saturday and had SO MUCH FUN.  The weather was GORGEOUS.  My energy was great and the Azaleas were in full bloom.  I conquered the ridiculous hill that is Robertson Ave and my speed picked up towards the end.  In fact, I sprinted through the finish line to beat the woman in front of me..Ha!   The official times were just posted and I beat my fastest time by 5 minutes!  I ran 6.2 miles in 55 minutes and 15 seconds.  So, as you can tell, my spirits are high.

The plan this week?  Not too much.  I ran 3 miles today and I'll probably do two classes.  The Tough Mudder is Saturday and I'm trying not to think about it.  I am as prepared as I can be.  I'm just ready for it to be behind me. 

On a different note, I started a Bible study call A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place.  I've been looking forward to a deeper study of God's word... craving it almost.  In the first week we are being challenged to identify where we are.  God asked Adam where he was because his sin hid him.  God is wanting to meet up with me.. craving to spend time with me.  He is asking me "Where are you?  I want to meet you."

So where am I? 
Parenting in a whirlwind of 3 small children.
Trying to be a wife that is supportive, respectful, and adoring.
Running the house smoothly as Brock travels with work.
Juggling my part-time job, PTA obligations, and the kids activities.
Challenging myself physically.
Worried about my two brothers and the life that is before them.
Craving to hear God speak to me and see Him work.

This is where I am.  Right now.  On March 26. 2012.  What will God say to me during our time together these next weeks??

my poor legs

Well now I did it.  First.. the good news.  I ran 12.38 miles yesterday!!  12 were planned.  The .38 were from my missing a turn...lol.  They were a solid 12 miles too.  I started out extremely slow and maintained just under an 11 minute mile.  I didn't want to push myself like last time.  It worked out well.  The last couple of miles were hard, but I did it and even ran up Goliath at the end!

I know I was originally planning on waiting 1 1/2 weeks to run this distance.  BUT, Adelyn is sick and Brock left today to go out of town for the week.  It was yesterday or not this week at all. I prepared properly and my confidence was great!!  I tried not to take myself too seriously by stopping for water, to take pics, etc..

mile 3.5

mile 7.5

mile 11.5

my view.. I love running this 4 mile loop... even if its 3 times!!

Now, the bad news.  This morning, since Brock is leaving and I probably won't get to go to the gym this week with my sickie, I decided to take a 5:15am Barbell Blast class.  Strictly strength training, no cardio exertion.  Well, I showed up and the instructor didn't.  The only other option: Cardio Kickbox.  Now, a normal person would have a) just lifted weights b) gone home.  But, I saw people I knew and was talked into the class.  Bad mistake.  My poor legs did not need to be running laps, kicking, jumping stairs, or doing burpees.  I am now limping around on what seems to be a hurt calf muscle in one leg and a strained knee muscle in the other.  Just peachy.

I took an ice bath yesterday after my run.  I should have taken one today as well.  OK....I'm not going to whine.  I ran over 12 miles yesterday.  In 2 hours and 15 minutes.  Which is my half marathon goal, by the way.  I feel confident that I can run the extra .8 mile in the same time.  I will have competition and adrenaline on my side.  :)

On to a different note:  My personal Goliath lately?  My relationship with Cole.  He has been arguing with me over EVERYTHING.   Going over spelling words:

Me: "Cole, how do you spell happily?"
Cole: "h-a-p-p-i-l-l-y"
"No, it's h-a-p-p-i-l-y"
"That's what I said."
"No it's not"
"Yes it is."

Argh..  Everything is a battle.  I'm starting to not look forward to homework time, meal time, bed time.. you name it.  Today I prayed.  For my attitude.  For God to show me His point of view.  To understand Cole and what is going through his head.  I want to be patient.  I want to be sweet.  I don't want to be grumpy with him.  Lord, show me Cole through Your eyes.  Give me Your patience and kindness.  I am not capable of being the mom I want to be without You.


And just to show you the crazy Cole I know and love.  Here is a great picture I found on my phone the other day.  I didn't know he took one of me in my ice bath.  Don't worry, it's rated G.  LOL

looks like fun

make the mind run the body

"Now if you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing.  You have to make the mind run the body.  Never let the body tell the mind what to do.  The body will always get tired.  It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night.  But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired." Gen. George S. Patton

I love this quote.  It is on my half-marathon training schedule and is so true.  My mind is strong and that makes my body strong.

I have been struggling with confidence.  Brock had to work out of town all last week, so I just couldn't maintain my workout schedule.  I was overexerting myself and feeling run down.  I truly could not pull these ambitious goals off if he wasn't here with me.  He is such a relief on my schedule and with the kids.... my support and rock.

With only 4 workouts last week, including a 6 mile run besides the 10 mile long one, I entered my long run today.  It was a brand new area of town and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  It was just SO HARD.  I felt like the hills were HUGE and forever.  I was running against the wind for the first half.. and it was HOT today, so I don't think I was adequately hydrated.  That being said, I ran 10.75 of my intended 11 miles.  I had to stop due to my seeing stars.

The last 2 miles were horrible and I stopped several times.. which I NEVER do.  I turned off my music and said three phrases over and over.


I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Pain is weakness leaving the body!!

It got me a little further, just not the last quarter mile!!  I feel like I have been in a funk for over a week now, tired and discouraged.  I promise to be out of this soon.  How exhausting and whiny I must sound!!

I am giving it 1 1/2 weeks till my 12 mile run.  I will be bringing water and I will be eating more beforehand.  My body does not tell me I can't run 12 miles in in the future... my mind says I can!

Technology amazes me! Here is data from my run.. Despite my exhaustion, I still maintained a 10 minute mile average.. Yay, me!!

RUN 2/27/2012

training and healing

I ran 10 miles today.  I am a running machine!!  Actually, I feel like I'm 82 years old.  I'm walking funny.. enough so that Izzy asked me why.  The kids got a HUGE kick out of my ice bath.  I read about soaking my legs in ice water after a run the other day.  This speeds up the healing process and reduces any swelling my exertion may have caused.

I decide to try it.  It was so very cold, but after the first minute, I couldn't feel anything as my legs were numb.. as long as I didn't move.  Cole had the timer set on 10 minutes and he took the job seriously.  I feel like the ice bath did help... or maybe it was the ibuprofen and mixed drink??  I'm not sure.  Either way,  I'm going to have to jump in an ice bath for the Tough Mudder, so I might as well use this  as a two-for-one training and healing opportunity.  Good times.

We will see how I feel tomorrow, but I'm proud of myself tonight.  For the rest of the week:  strength training and some lower mileage runs.  I'm saying it over and over in my head:  Pain is weakness leaving the body.

walking funny

 I'm wondering if I'm ever going to stop being sore.  Do you reach a place in strength training that you stop hurting so much?  Maybe this is how if feels erecting muscles out of nothing.  I feel like I've been sore for 6 weeks straight.  Some days I can barely notice it, while others have me walking funny all day.  Today, it's my shoulders and obliques. Yesterday was my legs.

I know why I'm sore today.  It was the wonderful yoga class I took yesterday.  I decided to try a strength and balance focused yoga class and boy was it hard.  Some of my classmates make standing on your head look effortless and natural.  I was not the picture of a graceful gazelle.  I will return though.  I think the challenge is great.

After yoga, I did a zumba class...I know, I'm obsessed.  I love to dance, even if I'm not quite as coordinated as I think I am!  All this training and I'm finally starting so see some results.  My legs are definitely rock solid and I'm starting to see tiny muscles pop up.  Yay!!

I should be running 10 miles today, but I'm resting my legs.  They are tired and I'm starting to get a dull pain under my left knee cap.  I've had runner's knee before, so I guess I should expect it again.  Besides, the weather today is awfully dreary and rainy.  I'll probably run tomorrow or Monday.

So, no deep thoughts today.. just ramblings.  Every week puts me closer to my deadline.  6 weeks to Tough Mudder.  Two months to the Bid D Half Marathon.  Yikers.

the One who makes me who I am

Okay, I realized I did a lot of whining and questioning myself earlier this week.  I'm over it.  This is hard.  This is time-consuming.  But I'm not weak.  I'm not a quitter.  I can do this.  Since my 8 mile run Saturday, I did a 5 mile pace run on Monday, a circuit training class yesterday, and the kill-me-now power hour class as well as 30 minutes on the elliptical today.  I can do this.

I can do all things.... through Christ.  He is my energy.  He encourages me and gives me strength.  My friends showed me this wonderful bracelet she ordered.  She wears it when she exercises as it gives important information if she were hurt or injured.  But it also serves as a constant reminder and encouragement to her because she has Philippians 4:13 on it.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.


What an amazing reminder when I start to doubt myself.  I was in the process of ordering a bracelet for myself yesterday, trying to decide what I should put on my bracelet as a reminder.  What is my motivator??  Nothing fits quite like this verse. So, it is going on my bracelet as well.  Along with "weakness is pain leaving the body".  Ha!!  I do not like being viewed as weak in any way.. so this has always motivated me.



Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. (MSG)



That is the same verse in a different translation.  I LOVE this translation.  He knows me better than I know myself because he MADE me.  He knows what will teach me, help me, motivate me, and encourage me.  He is my rock and He gives strength to my weary butt.


I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me. (GNT)


Christ gives me the strength to face anything.  (CEV)

43 miles

Yay, me!!  Today I ran 8 miles.  I've never run that far at once before.  The most I've ever run was 7 miles.. but it was on accident.. and there were no hills..  :)  I'm in a little pain now.. My legs are crampy and my hip is a little sore.  BUT, I'm proud of myself.  What a great start to February!!

I totaled up my January mileage... 43 miles!  However, I'm starting to get nervous about the Tough Mudder.  I feel like I'm training more for the half marathon.  I'm doing a couple strength training classes and stuff on my own,  but I'm not sure it's enough.  There are about 10 people on my team (and I don't really know any of them!) and they seem to be taking this WAY serious.  What if I can't keep up?  What if they get frustrated with me?  What if I'm the weakest??  I'm thinking I may need to do more strength training.  I just don't feel like my arms and chest are much stronger.  How am I going to pull myself across bars and over walls?

Okay, enough of my nervous anxiety.  I know I can do this.  I am exercising more than I EVER have in my WHOLE life.

Dear Lord, I know you have called us to be disciplined and hard working.  I can do these things through You because You give me strength.  Please give me Your strength and endurance when I run out.  Please protect my body from injury and help me glorify you in all my accomplishments.  In Your name, Amen.

What is your passion?

Goliath

Today I conquered my Goliath hill again.  With a cold.  While it was 38 degrees.  With a sore gluteus maximus from a previous work out.  And at the end of a 6 mile run.  Am I bragging yet??  I feel such a sense of accomplishment after I complete a work out.  This proud of myself-I can do anything feeling is wonderful.  I'm not saying I didn't have battles before the workout.  Who wants to run when its 38 degrees?  With a cold?

Before each hard workout or race, I always get nerves that make my stomach upset.  I don't know why, it's very silly.  But, I make myself do it and I'm always glad I did.  During my run this morning, I encountered 2 very angry looking dogs, 4 beautiful deer, and one mischievous coyote.  The coyote looked like he was wanting some calf steak for breakfast, so I scared him off.. because I want to be a cow's hero.  Ha!

Anyways, all of God's creatures coming across me this morning reminded me of how small my world is.  I get so consumed with the drama and everyday tasks that I forget that this is a HUGE world that God created.  There is life all around me that I am completely unaware of.  In fact, I probably miss a lot of nature if my music is too loud or my focus is too concentrated.  I become so obsessed with whatever task I am involved in at the moment or goal I am trying to meet, that I forget to slow down and see what is happening around me.

God is speaking to me a lot these days.  I hear him frequently in the morning, when I run, and through my children.  I have made it a priority to spend 15 minutes with Him each morning before anyone wakes up in my house.  It is quiet and peaceful and I love it.

This week, I heard Him during Wednesday night church.  Our associate pastor was speaking on how passions engulf us so much so that it is evident to those around us.  My passions, in this moment, are running and training, cooking, writing, hearing God speaking to me, and working on being a better mother and wife.  I would be offended if my children went to another adult with questions on how to cook something.  I would also be offended if they asked to go run with someone else instead of me.  But they don't.  They know to come to me with those topics just like their Papa has answers to all their hunting and fishing questions.

In that same sense, do my children know I am passionate about Christ?  Not talking and teaching about Him constantly is communicating that to them.  I NEVER want them to think they have to ask their Sunday school teacher the deeper spiritual questions.  My passion for Christ needs to be evident in how I act, what I say, and how I spend my time.  I ONLY have 18 years to mold them.  And for Cole, that just means 8 more years...

Nothing could make me happier than getting reports that my children continue diligently in the way of Truth.  3 John 1:4

I know it's hard to see, but there's a large deer staring me down as I stop to pull out my camera!

And now he is hiding with his 3 friends in the woods looking at me running by :)

I stole this off the web... the class that made my hiney ache so!  LOL

cheerfully, prayerfully, thankfully..

Whew am I sore.  Three weeks into running and two weeks into training and my body is objecting to my new exertion.  BUT, I know that it will adjust and I am already starting to see my energy increase.  So far, on this 18th day of 2012, I have run 23 miles.  But that's not the hard part... strength training is kicking my butt.  I have NO upper body strength, and the Tough Mudder will expect me to.  I have been attending two boot camp/yoga classes a week, with training at home as well.  Today was a hard class.  We will see how tomorrow feels.  :)

This verse spoke to me this morning: 
Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. (1 Thess 5:16-18 MSG)

I feel God has been teaching me, molding me into the woman He wants me to be.  It started with my role as Brock's wife.  I have learned so much over the past three months just by studying His words and praying over Brock every day.  Now, he is molding me into a better mother.  My patience with my children has been my Goliath in recent weeks.


My children are my gift from God.  I truly believe that.  Becoming pregnant with my now almost 10 year old saved my life.  He is God's greatest blessing to me and I love him so much.  He is creative, funny, and compassionate.  My middle darling has a genuine teaching and nurturing spirit.  My surprise third is a spunky and intense, but extremely loving girl.


As they grow older, my days seems shorter.  And now that I am taking time away from my family to train physically, I desperately rely on my hubby to pick up where I leave off.  I hit the ground running before 6 every day with fixing breakfast, packing lunches, fixing hair, ect..  It continues with checking homework, karate, dance classes, church, play dates... Shall I go on?  I know every other mother relates with the increasingly decrease of time in each day.  It's hard to maintain control in my voice when I'm picking up the dirty socks off the floor for the fourth time in one day or cleaning up the toothpaste from all over the sink once again.  It's hard to adjust when my plan to go running doesn't work out because someone has suddenly developed a rising fever.


But I hear God telling me over and over.  "This is what I want you do right now with your life.  I want you to sacrifice yourself to raise your children.  I want you to wake before they do and prepare their day and their good attitudes.  I want you to cook healthy meals for them.  I want you to listen to them.  I want you to pray with them.  I want you to adjust your schedule and your time if they need you to.  And I want you to do all this with a cheerful heart, praying and thanking Me that this is your life."


This is what I am hearing.  And this is what I am trying to do.  I am raising three future adults.  They will all be future employees, bosses, spouses, parents, and friends.  I am not only teaching them how to do live and succeed, but character and discipline.  I am teaching them about the Lord and how to talk to Him and listen for Him and what He wants for their lives.  All this takes time and the continual sacrifice of myself for their benefit.


I came across this quote last week and it has echoed in my head as God's message to me: 
“[Motherhood as a mission field] is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.“ Rachel Jankovic

I am right where God wants me to be and I will cherish my role.  And this evening, if I lose my patience when I hear another complaint about dinner, I will ask forgiveness and try again.  Because after all, God is still growing me as well.

Goliath

I am 14 days into 2012.  What an exciting and fulfilling time this is in my life.  New ambitions in front of me and the accomplishments of 2011 behind me.  I have so much to be grateful for, so much to praise Him for.  My children are healthy and loving, learning to practice kindness and generosity.  My husband is selfless and devoted.  My body is strong and my will is determined.  I am going to love this year.

Today, I ran 4 miles.  That is not something spectacular in and of itself.  I have run 4 miles many times.  But today, I ran 4 miles strong.  I love running...  but not too far and not too fast.  In the last two weeks, I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone and into strength training.  I am "in training".  (I've always wanted to say that.)  In training for the Tough Mudder at the end of March.  In training for a half marathon in April.  I haven't done either and I am loving the challenge already.  I was eager to run today despite my oppressing sore muscles of previous strength training workouts. 

Something happens on my runs that only another runner can understand.  I work things out.  I have conversations with family members in my head.  I am inspired to try new things.  I solve problems.  And most importantly, I hear God.  There is something so empowering, so awe-inspiring, to run solo alongside God's nature.  All is quiet and still.  At least, on my running path.  All is NEVER quiet and still in my head.

God has been growing me lately.  For what, I'm not quite sure.  I am getting to know Him more and craving our time together each day.  He is revealing Himself and his desires to me daily.  I am becoming the wife, mother, friend, ect... that He wants me to be.  I am excited for this chapter in my life.  I am excited to see what God has in store for me this year.

There is a hill on my run today I've always called Goliath.  It is right at the end of the 4 miles and it is extremely steep.  I have NEVER walked up this hill.  That is my motivation to never walk it in the future.  Not even 5 years ago when I could barely run 2 miles.  Most are familiar with the story of David defeating Goliath.  He was clearly the underdog and could only have done it through God's strength and power.  But, throughout his life, David had more Goliaths to overcome.  From family drama to woman troubles, He had to continuously hurdle obstacles.  But, he rejoiced in his struggles because he knew God would be there for him.  He would give him HIS power to overcome the Goliath in his path.

"How exquisite your love, O God!  How eager we are to run under Your wings!"  I love those words.  To be wrapped up in how God loves us so.  To be under His protection.  It is empowering, comforting, and heavenly peaceful.  Today, my Goliath was a big hill.  Yesterday, it was patience despite the constant sound of squabbling children.  Who knows what my Goliath will be tomorrow.  But, I'm not worried.  I will hit the ground running... under the protection of His wings.